Great sex happens when interests are aligned; and when they are not, the sex suffers.
Here are possible reasons you’re not having great sex:
1. Important conversations have not been had
At the heart of it, sex is intimacy and intimacy means “close familiarity and friendship.”
Everyone’s body is like a story; knowing them and their body requires conversation and practicals. So, talk about it. Ask questions.
2. You are distracted
These little worries, fears and intrusive thoughts ruin things. A woman might start, wondering, “Does he love me?” “Is he cheating on me?” “Did I put off the gas cooker?” right in the middle of sex.
Men, especially young men also experience intrusive thoughts in the form of pressure to perform or “blow her mind”.
3. Loosen up
It is not open-heart surgery, don’t take it too seriously. Sometimes, you have to go with the flow of things and laugh when things go wrong.
4. You are not in love or committed to the person
Strangers and one night stands can provide some relief from horniness or “konji.”
However, we know that love causes endorphins to be released and we are basically in a drugged state when in love, this heightens the experience of sex.
5. It has become boring
Oh well, in most marriages, sex can plateau. That is why you have to experiment with different things. Be open to new things.
There is no right way to have sex if pleasure is the goal.
Try role-playing, blindfolding and other bondage techniques, new styles, and using other ‘equipment’ like vibrators might add some spark.
Final important note
At the heart of it, your mental state is responsible for how and if you enjoy sex. Depression and anxiety, feeling insecure about your body and life can make the entire process uncomfortable.
Also, do not forget to use lubrication!