Should your spouse be your best friend? 3 married people answer

We spoke to some married couples about this on today which is International Friendship Day, and here’s what they had to say:

“If I married my best friend, I would be tagged as a lesbian. He is my husband, and we are best of friends; note the semantics.

“You have to think about it, your best friend might not be someone you are attracted to or even compatible with if the person is of the opposite sex. Plus, you probably had best friends at different phases of your life; would you go back to those days and marry those people? I don’t believe you need to marry your best friend.”

“For the ideals of marriage—according to the Christian faith, for a marriage to work, your spouse should be the closest human to you and above every other human. Your spouse is the only person you’re allowed and expected to be totally open to, in every way possible.

“The primary importance of a marital relationship lies in your spouse being your life partner. There are levels of emotional closeness and intimacy that should not be shared with a “best friend,” irrespective of gender. This approach serves the best interests of your marriage and spousal connection.

“However, “see finish” usually negatively affects the marriage relationship. When you’ve seen someone finish, up and down, sideways and byways, and you know their weaknesses, warts and all, which only marriage usually brings out, resentment borne out of unmet expectations (whether those expectations were realistic to start with or not) usually chisels away at the friendship. The couple would individually begin to be drawn to companionship outside of their marriage. They find that forming friendships with these individuals is effortless and lacks the strain of their marital situation.”

“My husband is one of my best friends, but he isn’t my best friend. We have friendships for different reasons, and there are different levels of intimacy. For instance, my sister is pretty close to me; she has known me all my life, and I tell her some things I can’t tell my husband, especially when we are talking about family matters. Same thing with my husband: there are some things I tell him I can’t tell my sister. He’s still one of my best friends, though, because even if we weren’t married, we would still be really good friends. I enjoy his company, and I love talking and spending time with him.

“I think that your spouse is actually supposed to be your best friend, but I don’t know how realistic that is.”

It seems like most married people agree that your husband or wife should be your best friend, and having a best friend other than them, especially of the opposite sex, might be dangerous, but it is an ideal that is quite difficult to maintain.